Reviewing the parenting plan
Do it through mediation!
Have you been divorced for some time and do you have a parenting plan that feels as outdated as a paper map in today’s age of navigation apps? Time for an update!
A parenting plan is like a map for shared parenting, setting out agreements, rules and expectations. Sometimes the map becomes outdated and needs to be reviewed. Rather than engaging in a legal battle, parents can take on the challenge together with the help of mediation. It is like the start of a journey, full of unfamiliar terrain and surprises.
The specialised divorce mediator then acts as the guide on this journey. Rather than focusing on the end goal, the emphasis is on communication during the review of the parenting plan; after all, you do not want negative experiences from the past to be repeated. The mediator helps create an atmosphere of openness in which parents can freely discuss their needs, concerns and expectations.
The first stage is often discussing what no longer works in the current parenting plan. It is like exploring rough terrain. Perhaps the schedule is no longer practical, or new challenges have arisen that were not anticipated. Expressing these concerns in a safe environment, guided by the mediator, is essential to the process.
During mediation, obstacles are not seen as insurmountable problems, but rather as opportunities for growth and understanding. It is not only about reviewing the parenting plan, but also about reviewing the way parents communicate and work together. It is like crossing bridges and finding new ways to understand one another.
One of the most important destinations on this journey is discovering joint solutions. The mediator acts as a bridge-builder, and parents are invited to come up with creative solutions together that work for both parties. It is a process of making compromises and developing an understanding of each other’s perspectives. Sometimes this means redefining roles, adjusting schedules or including new agreements.
During the journey, if necessary, the specialised mediator may suggest consulting experts such as, for example, a child psychologist, educational psychologist, parenting expert or other professionals to gain deeper insight into what is best for the children.
Engaging professionals in the interests of the children is like having experienced guides. They offer expert guidance and contribute to creating a parenting plan that is not only practical for the parents, but above all focused on the well-being and needs of the children.
Because mediation to arrive at a revised parenting plan results in a renewed relationship between parents, it helps create a healthy and supportive environment for the children throughout all changes in family life. After all, parents have learned to communicate effectively with each other, compromise and be flexible in shared parenting.
So, if the parenting plan no longer seems to fit the reality of shared parenting, consider the journey of mediation. It is not only about reviewing the end product, but above all about the valuable process in which parents grow, work together and discover new paths. It is an adventure that strengthens the bond between parents and thereby lays a solid foundation for the well-being of the children.
This article was written by Mariëlle van Hoek and Els Steenhagen, both ADR-certified mediators and members of the Caribbean Mediators Association. CMA consists of mediators living and working in the Caribbean part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands and Suriname. CMA aims to promote the widespread use of mediation as a form of conflict resolution. Want to know more about mediation? Visit our website: www.cmamediators.com
