Mediation and mental health: what do they have to do with each other?

It is Mediation Week and, a few days later, on 10 October, it is World Mental Health Day. Two topics that may not seem directly related at first glance: mediation and mental health. For me, however, there is a clear connection. And, strangely enough, it takes me back to my childhood.

My mother grew up with her younger sister Antoinette, affectionately known within our family as Aunt Dodeke. During the Second World War, she contracted bacterial meningitis as a young child, resulting in permanent brain damage. My grandparents cared for her at home, and my mother played an important role in that care throughout her life, first as a girl and later as an adult woman.

Dodeke was also very much present during my childhood. As children, we learned that we had to be patient with her. That we had to be kind to her and, above all, try to understand that some things worked differently for her. Only much later did I realise how much I had taken from that experience.

Dodeke spoke very poorly and could not always clearly express what she felt, meant or wanted. My mother knew her sister inside out and often understood very well what lay behind her words and behaviour. When Dodeke became angry or sad, for example, my mother often saw that something else was underlying it. That she was trying to make something clear, but simply could not find the words for it.

And that was precisely what my mother found difficult. She and my grandmother could often help Dodeke build that bridge to the outside world, but of course they could not always be by her side. Others sometimes saw only someone who was angry or difficult, whereas my mother saw someone who became anxious or sad because she could not convey what was really going on inside her. Her sister’s helplessness always affected my mother deeply.

That is what I thought of when I read the theme of World Mental Health Day 2026: “Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change”. Truly listening to the other person’s experience and voice. Not too quickly assuming what someone means, nor dwelling only on what you see on the outside.

And that is precisely where, for me, the connection with mediation lies.

As a lawyer, I have learned to speak, analyse and persuade. As a mediator, I have learned just as emphatically to listen. Because even people who are perfectly capable of talking sometimes struggle to find the words for what is really going on.

Anger can conceal disappointment. A firm position can stem from fear. And behind “he is impossible to talk to” there may be a long-held feeling of not being seen or heard.

We see this at our mediation table in all kinds of relationships. In mediation surrounding a divorce, in conflicts within families, but also in workplace disputes between colleagues or in the relationship between employer and employee. Where people are connected, relationships can be damaged and conflicts can arise.

For us, mediation is therefore not only about resolving a conflict. It is also about the relationship that lies beneath it. Sometimes it can be restored. Sometimes a new form must be found, so that people can move forward together in a different way.

Behind a position lies an interest. Behind behaviour there is often a story.

Perhaps that is what connects mediation and mental health: the space to let your own voice be heard and the willingness to truly listen to that of another.

As a mediator, I have learned how important that is. But when I think about it, that lesson began for me much earlier. With my Aunt Dodeke.